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Posted by / Friday, February 20, 2015 / No comments

When Settling is okay

Hi Guys!

So I was listening to the radio on my way to a meeting yesterday and they advertised a program "Why are all the pretty ladies single and the facially challenged ones married/hooked?" and I was like, Aha! Finally, this topic.

If you're being honest with yourself, you'll admit that one day you were feeling particularly low and having a full blown pity party, your mind ran down the list of all your taken friends and you mentally counted the ones you "better pass" and wondered why even with all your physical endowments and nice enough face and how together your life seems to be...nice job, nice car, you're still single and yet to find that ever elusive Mr. Right. If you're such a beautiful soul and this has never crossed your mind, then you have most certainly had this sort of conversation with many well meaning friends/colleagues/family members:

Amebo: How far now, who's the lucky guy in your life right now?
You: Ah, my dear I'm still single and searching for him.
Amebo: You don't mean it. But you're a fine girl na and you get enough front and back, e no suppose hard you na.
You: Na so I see am o. It is well
Amebo: Abi you're just being very choosy. You know you'll soon be 30, age is not on your side o.
You: *walks away 'cause ain't nobody got time for this kinda conversation abeg, there is money to be made somewhere*

It's amazing how single ladies are always blamed for being single. However, sometimes I ‎agree with them. We spend all our time looking for Mr. Right and checking if our potential SO meets our long checklist that we forget to settle. Yes, settle. I said it. Girl A has promised Girl B that she can never settle and she goes ahead to spew that "I deserve the best and will settle for nothing less" sermon. Preach it girl! But as much as I agree with you, I'm going to disappoint you and tell you not to fool me.

See, you settled a long time ago, you don't know? ‎Remember when, after all your hinting at Louboutins, he went and bought you a Nokia Lumia for Valentine's? You thought about your other very generous ex and shrugged, oh well, he's generous at heart. Or when he got you a big card and poured all his love for you in it on your birthday and you accepted it because love isn't about gifts. Remember when you told your best friend that only tall and dark guys do it for you, but this short fair guy with the killer smile just keeps making your heart beat crazy out of your chest and next thing you know, you're official.  Then you said you could never date a banker or a guy younger than you, but this younger guy that works in Zenith Bank makes you laugh so hard and hits all the spots. You settle. These are just the physical, but there are so many other immaterial things we settle for, consciously and unconsciously.

Did I say settling is bad? Definitely not. In my opinion, we all need to settle for realistic, obtainable, achievable. It's ok if he isn't tall, skinny, muscular, not the richest and doesn't drive the nicest car or have an interesting job. He might not take you to fancy restaurants or dress particularly nice sef. He might not be your soul mate or know what you think before you say it, but does that really matter?

When your list begins to look like the 8th wonder of the world, you're definitely going to be single for a long time. Besides, you can't expect him to be everything you want when there's nothing special about you. You sef, go and fix yourself up and adjust your expectations accordingly. Lol.

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