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Posted by / Friday, May 22, 2015 / 8 Comments

Single in the City

Hi Guys!

How's everyone doing?

What I'm going to talk about today has been on my mind for some time and I was going to share with y'all, but then I was worried that someone would think it's coming from a bitter or hateful place. That's absolutely not the case. Anyhoo, I changed my mind and decided to keep quiet. But, in the past few days, I've had some of my single friends complain to me about the same thing and then I also watched the movie "Life Partners" and I decided to be silent no more.

Remember when you and your friend(s) were single? Y'all would hang out together all the time, go places together, check out guys together, exchange gist on your toasters and all that. Then one by one they got into serious relationships and spent less and less time with you. They were always with Tobi or Bola or Emeka and you barely saw or chatted with them anymore.

Welcome to the Single Life. Hehe. I've been single for some time now, I've quite become an authority on the phase. Just in case you're wondering if you've been put in this "single friend" zone, I'll show you the signs and I'll tell you how to be ok in spite of.

Signs:
- Your friend is always busy, she doesn't have time to hang with you 'cause she's always with her SO.

- You make plans and last minute she calls to cancel, the SO needed her. Or you make plans and you wait and wait and she doesn't show. You call her and she apologises profusely; she had to meet up with the boo and forgot totally about your plans.

- You call to complain about your lack of potential suitors and she tells you to chill and relax because you're becoming too eager and desperate these days. As a result, there are things you don't bother talking to her about anymore. She's totally forgotten how she complained about the single life to you back in the day. 

- Your phone buzzes off the hook when she's having a lover's tiff with the boo. You give advice and generally offer her your shoulder to cry on....when you have to, you step in as the mediator you are and fix things. Then she disappears till the next tiff.

- When her boo is out of town, she calls so you guys can hang...you know, quality girl time. Duh, you're single! You have no other plans, so you must drop everything you're doing and spend time with her.

I can literally go on and on and on, but I won't 'cause I know you get the gist. Trust me, every single one of these scenarios, I have experienced. We ladies, 90% of the time, allow our worlds revolve around our SOs and plan our lives around theirs. In the beginning, all these used to tick me off, but now I know it's "normal" and I'm used to it. So here's how you deal:

How to deal:
- Your friend loves you. I promise she does. She has just found someone that she loves in a  different way, so don't feel bad, get used to it.

- Never ever ever plan your day/week/weekend around anybody. Ever. Most of the time, they will disappoint you. Plan such that if they show up or call you, good stuff. If not, you already had your own plans anyway. That way you'll never be disappointed when they pull a no-show.

- Take yourself on dates, see movies alone, eat out alone, go for shows and plays alone, travel alone. Learn to do stuff alone and not depend on anybody. I promise you, people will think you are crazy but we both know you're not. Conquering the fear of being single starts with enjoying being single. This phase will end soon, so enjoy every second of it.

- Meet new people and have a wide variety of friends. Work friends, church friends, school friends, gym buddies, book club friends...that way you always have someone.

- Find a new hobby. Or two. Chances are, while you're at it, you'll meet more people.

- Being single can be lonely a lot of times. Sometimes, me time is good. Other times, it gives room for thoughts that are better left buried. Watch TV, read a book, cook something new from recipes on the inter web, join a dance class, learn how to drive, start a business. Just do something fun and live a little.

- Find time for God. He cares about every single silly or stupid thing going on with you and he wants to be your boo. He loves you so so much and wants to hang with you all the time; being with you is so important to him.

- Be a better you, be prepared to meet the boo. Work on yourself and develop both your spirit and mind so you're a total package when he arrives. 

- Beat that body into shape. Most of us would like to lose some weight or have a leaner frame or abs. The time to do it is now. Workout hard and develop a healthy lifestyle, you can't start doing that when you're married with kids.

- It's easy to let it all go when you're single. Stop it. Dress well and look good every single time. You don't know when Mr. Right will stroll by.

- Lastly, not all friendships can be sustained. When you try and you keep drifting farther apart, let it go. We all get to the point where our paths change 'cause you're both in different phases in your life. Take it like a G and move on.


Or if all else fails, here's a boyfriend pillow for countless cuddles and hugs. Lol. I kid!

Ok bye.


8 comments:

  1. Not all friendships can be sustained, true words indeed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Learnt the hard way, but I learnt anyway. Now letting go is so much easier :)

      Delete
  2. Ugh!!!!! I can totally relate to this post!!!!! (yes I'm shouting LOL) I agree with everything and you are right I need to enjoy being single and not plan my day/weekend around anyone... I will start doing more things on my own :)

    ReplyDelete


  3. Love your blog. Great post.

    I think we should follow each other .

    NoKisses4U.BlogSpot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hiya! Always love finding new blogs...I've followed you :)

      Delete
  4. Amazing hun. Lovely post. I can totally relate with this write up.

    ReplyDelete

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