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Posted by / Friday, March 04, 2016 / 8 Comments

I'd rather not say goodbye

Seriously, if I could, I would never say goodbye...ever.
 
I hate airport goodbyes, moving out of town/moving to another job goodbyes, even saying goodbye at the end of a phone call.
 
If you ask me to rationalize this....fear, you'll be wasting your time. I can't. There's something about that word goodbye that terrifies me.
 
It might be the fear of not knowing if we will ever see again, or that that moment is the last we will ever have.
 
It might be the end of a friendship that was not allowed to bloom.
 
It might be the choking feeling and tightness that surrounds my throat, or the wetness that comes to my eyes when I hear the word.
 
It might be the thought of things I wish we had done or could change...the things I left unsaid, the fun times we might never have again.
 
It might also be the fear that our friendship/relationship will change...out of sight might just really be out of mind.
 
It might be all of these things that I know I cannot say because big girls don't cry over goodbyes. Because they say change is constant and a good thing. I don't want to seem unhappy for your change, especially when the change feels so exciting to you.
 
So I avoid goodbyes. Or if for some reason I find myself at the point where it is thrown at me, I say it abruptly and move on quickly. You will think of me as unbothered, but my chest hurts and my eyes get wet.
 
I'm 28 and I can't deal with goodbyes. Can you? Please tell me how.
 
xxx

8 comments:

  1. I understand you totally. It's the main reason I cry at funerals... The finality of it all...I hate airport goodbyes with loved ones I almost always cry... But I can do phone goodbye o! I'm afraid I haven't helped have I? Just know, you have a (part time) member in the can't stand goodbye's club xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww...part-time member is better than nothing at all :)

      Delete
  2. Goodbye esp when its final (Death) hurts alot. I rather say see you soon when I have to move, travel etc.


    Epiphany29.com
    The Me Time Tag

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But even then, you know deep down in your heart that it's really goodbye, regardless of what you call it :(

      Death is definitely the worst goodbye...the hurt can never be explained.

      Delete
  3. I cant deal with goodbyes. I hate to say it. I have a thing for always mising people even if we just spent 2 hours together.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Belinda,

    I can relate with this post, especially the "moving out of town" goodbye.

    There's this sense of loss that comes with leaving a bit of your life behind forever. Memories are happy-sad reminders of experiences with the place and with the people that you met there. :-)

    Have a lovely weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know soo well! Sigh. It's that point where you realise that someone that you saw almost every day has become a memory, that's the point that I can't deal with.

      Delete

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