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Posted by / Wednesday, July 08, 2020 / No comments


I think death is something that's really hard for me to understand especially at my age, and living in Lagos, Nigeria.

The hustle and bustle of the city, the life, the energy. Then someone just...dies. Like, ceases to exist in this world. I've been trying to understand it and it's really messing with my mind because I have many unanswered questions and I'm not sure I've come to terms with it being their "appointed time". 

As a Christian, I believe in God's promises over my life, especially that I will have long life and good health but the people dying, weren't they Christians? Didn't they believe it too? I know for a fact some of them were better Christians than I am. So is it just down to God's mercy towards me that I'm alive and they aren't?

I didn't have answers to these questions (I still don't) and they really started weighing me down. Every night I felt funny, I'd wonder if I'd caught some terminal illness and I'd be scared if it would be my last night. What if I didn't wake up in the morning and that was just it for me, the end? Look, fear is such a horrible feeling. It suffocates you and the more you allow those fearful thoughts stay on your mind, the less in control you are of your life/thoughts, the more sad and hopeless you feel and the harder it is for good thoughts to come through. 

At some point I shared my fears on social media and I got a lot of encouragement; having a community where you're not judged and where people genuinely care is sooooo important. So many people reached out to me, called me, shared very helpful resources with me on coping with fear, insecurities and anxiety and I'm so so grateful to them because it felt like someone stretched a hand and pulled me out of a dark place I was slowly drifting into.

I'm trying to focus on God's truths concerning me/my life, reacquainting myself of his promises and speaking them back to silence my fears. I'm trying to get used to the idea of death so that it no longer has any power over me. We will all eventually die right? However, I want to live the best life I can while I have it, you know? No regrets and such. 

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