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Posted by / Thursday, July 09, 2020 / No comments

I'M VERY GOOD AT FAILING

You know how you want something and you work towards it but you don't get it? Say, a job, or an exam (and you fail)? Yeah. I'm very familiar with the feeling of failure.

Until mid last year, I'd been on the same spot at work for 5 years and it just seemed like I wasn't good enough. If we're being honest, I knew what had happened to get me in that place and it was nothing I'd done wrong or anything I wasn't doing. I'd made a career move that put me on the slow but right path, still being stuck and getting passed up for a promotion just felt like I wasn't good enough. It hit really really hard in 2018, when yet again in year 4, I was not promoted and people who I'd started this journey before were promoted. I had to talk myself into being "ok", motivate myself everyday to ignore people's comments and get my work done. When I got promoted last year, I didn't feel any excitement or joy or gratitude per se. I was more "relieved" than happy; finally people could stop asking me how far, how I feel, stop encouraging me. On the other hand, I couldn't get why I was being congratulated for getting something 5 years later....that I should have achieved in 2. 

Fast forward to about a month ago. I applied for a mentorship with a top blogger that I really admire and learn a lot from. I even said a prayer about it, hoping it would be my Hail Mary to figuring this content creating thing out finally. I found out today that I didn't get selected but I know someone who did. I'm so happy for her and screamed a big yes when I saw it because someone I know gets to benefit from all that knowledge. But 30 minutes later, it occurred to me "She doesn't have 2 heads Belinda, why couldn't you do it?"

I know it isn't possible to win at everything. Or is it? Well, if my life and the lives of the people around me are anything to go by, then it really isn't possible. Still, how does that feeling of failing get easier? Especially when you have to live with it everyday or you see people around you win at this thing you're failing at?

I was just about to mention that I haven't figured this out, but it seems like I haven't figured ANYTHING out yet. Maybe this month of blogging will help me get myself together.

If you read this and you have some helpful tips, let me know in the comments how you deal with failing. Or just share what you're failing at and let's bond over shared failures. Lol. Sorry, not funny :|

xxx

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